solace in pillows, & comfort in my clutter

New Lumpling pillows are in the works! I hope to finish them in the next couple of days.

Not very sure when they'll go in the store because Hans and I travel to Texas for his cancer checkup early next week.

I usually get a bit paralyzed before Hans has a checkup, and it keeps me from sewing and other hobbies. But I'm really trying to overcome that this time by forcing myself to keep working.

This will be his year and a half tests. For the first year he went every three months, and at a year he "graduated" to tests every six months. So this is the longest that he has gone without a CT, PET scan, or biopsies since being diagnosed in July 2005.

Now me? I'd be content with scanning him every damn week.

It's like we have been holding our breath for the past 18 months. Gastro-esophageal cancer has the highest chance of recurring in the first two years. Five years, of course, still being the "cure" goal, but these first two years are the scariest.

We are so close! It's so hard not to live in cowering fear every day, but we have to live our lives as normal as possible for our children and our sanity.

A really nice lady emailed me a few days ago after stumbling across the Amy Rue site and our story. Ten years ago her young husband, and father of their two young kids had Cancer. Here is an excerpt from her email:

~~It is a roller coaster, but almost 10 years later, I see that somehow we survived the ride. Our daughters are teenagers now. My husband and I stay active in their lives and our life is "normal". Those early days now seem very far away. A couple of the important things I learned are, keep your life as normal as possible, for yourselves and your kids. And remember to take one day at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow. Trust me it will take care of itself.~~

I love when people reach out like this. When they take the time to offer solace to a stranger.

I try to do the same for people now, and I hope that in ten years Hans and I will be a bit of strength for others in this fight.

Here's my wall of clutter and comfort above my desk. When I'm feeling stumped or blue, I can look up and see the small things that mean something to me: Pictures that Finn, Ella, and Hans have drawn, my marriage receipt ($26.00!!), family photos, old postcards, a card that Richard Kirk painted for my birthday, buttons, metal bits, and more!

I should also mention that I'm sick sick sick right now, and dosed up on cold medicine which makes me a bit introspective.

Crass goofiness should return by tomorrow!